Trophy Women

And so ends Wimbledon, an event consumed with the most voluminous grunts.

Umbreen Ali
By Umbreen Ali
July 9, 2013, 4:57 pm

And so ends Wimbledon, an event consumed with the most voluminous grunts.

The endless challenges and of course, Pippa’s outfits. Correction. Pippa’s vacuous, ageing twin sets. Oh yeah, and Andy Murray.

You could say Ms Middleton was coached by her publicity team to ensure she does not cause further undue embarrassment to the Royal Family. Who wears an haute couture two piece to Waitrose?

And then there’s Andy Murray’s other half, Kim Sears, the Queen WAG of tennis who has perfected the art of the deep brown tan, the perfectly coiffed hair, the expensive yet appropriate outfits. And the ‘oblivious to the camera’ pout.

From Wimbledon glamour to domestic goddess. Nigella Lawson and Charles Saatchi are said to be divorcing.

Some sources claim  Nigella was the first to announce the divorce, whilst others conclude that Saatchi was having a Jeremy Kyle moment and chose to proceed with the divorce due to his disappointment of Nigella’s lack of support after the guerrilla nose-picking incident.

Says the man who once cooed, “Who would want to be married to someone who nobody coveted?”

In contrast, Kim Kardashian is the glowing example of a woman ever willing to stand by her man.

Or more aptly, her demi-god. Kanye West, self proclaimed deity (because self-aggrandisement is such a charming trait), is a lucky man.

His dutiful wifey-to-be has declared she will accompany him on his tour with her lucrative derrière and little compass piece in tow.

Or baby North. Wonder what The Apprentice’s Katie Hopkins would say about that name?

But isn’t midsummer madness all about saying and doing absurd things?

Even Madonna has decided to step it up a notch by posing in a niqaab. A niqaab made from chain mail.

Apparently she is highlighting the oppression of women. By posing in a glistening collection of eyelashes and glossy photoshop. Less political shocker, more, “I’m better than Lady Gaga, really, I am.”

And to conclude, a worthy mention to a witty Canadian construction company who put up the following sign on a building site: “Construction set to finish faster than a Kim Kardashian wedding.”


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