The brand new erogenous zone

So summer is officially here. And we all know what that entails for women.

Umbreen Ali
By Umbreen Ali
Columnist
May 8, 2013, 3:34 pm

So summer is officially here. And we all know what that entails for women.

New wardrobes, more skin on display, regular bikini wax appointments, planning holidays ergo adopting faddy diets.

And of course that means it is time to declare a brand new official erogenous zone.  

It appears  that the ‘side boob’ has been replaced by the persuasively titled ‘under boob.’ How many options are there, you may reflect with anguished helplessness.

Yet with fashion’s persistent revisionism, it was only a matter of time.

For those of you not acclimatised to fashions playful new trend, this is a top that allows a glimpse of the protruding breast from the bottom segment. Sophisticated and so very feminine. Like wearing a bra that is two cups too small. Think ‘Pretty Woman.’

It is recommended, however, that no female above the age of 25 attempt this look unless they boast a minimal BMI.

For a more insightful and modern day understanding, please Google ‘Miley Cyrus’.

The under boob is quite a timely trend as liposuction on the back (for the bra area bulges) appear to be on the increase.

Oh the lofty aspirations, from wanting the perfect chin to the perfectly streamlined back, there’s nothing the needle can’t perfect. We’re not a hedonistic bunch are we?

Today’s woman epitomises that impeccably refined look. Why not add some camel toes for full effect. Aren’t you men lucky?

And speaking of men, the male voice has spoken.

Mila Kunis has been voted FHM’s sexiest woman alive. No surprises there.

She is without a doubt a sizzlingly hot specimen without giving the impression of trying too hard. A deferential skill in itself. Which is what differentiates her and prolific boob displayer Helen Flanagan, with her penchant for frolicking in front of the paparazzi. Ms Flanagan claims FHM’s title to sexiest British woman. 

We’ll disregard the fact that she possibly has one more boob than she has brain cells. But a rather fine accolade for the Coronation Street actress.

And of course, a worthy mention to a proud nation of men who regard the bared breast in such high esteem. Winston Churchill would have been proud.

So there you have it, conventional cleavage is officially ovah.

For those in remorse, respective helpline and support groups are available, whilst several commemorative editions are coming soon on the top shelf of your local newsagent.

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