The new erogenous zone

Forget the dress slashed to the thigh a la Angelina. The new erogenous zone is the side cleavage.

Umbreen Ali
By Umbreen Ali
July 5, 2012, 6:05 pm
The new erogenous zone

It’s all about serious fashion frivolity that is the cheeky flash of the side cleavage. It’s certainly more suggestive than the front cleavage.

But is that simply because it’s a new angle that is being exposed and the novelty of it is what makes it so alluring? Or have fashionistas simply decided that feminine gowns and decorum need not be combined, and that it is time to up the ante. It will never be elegant, chic, suave or sophisticated in any manner.

With all the frenetic taping of assets in the right place as the only form of support, and constantly asking your friends, ‘Is there lipstick on my teeth? Can you see my nipples?’

What a smutty ordeal. And I wonder, can one dance in a ‘side cleavaged dress’? Will Ascot ever permit the curvy exposure in its strict dress code?

And then there is the size issue. In order to pull this look off without looking overtly tacky, the wearer must be relatively thin. And then of course there is the C-cup limit.

Plus ones assets need to be pert. So that rules out women with several children. Unless surgical augmentation has been utilised. So as a whole that limits a significant proportion of women.

Can you imagine Kate, the Duchess not the other one, donning a dress of this nature? Or the powerful weapon that is Mrs Obama dressing in such an extraneous manner? It’s the kind of dress code one would expect from a regular at a Bunga Bunga party. Or from ex Big Brother housemates. Or in Essex.

So why are all the stars taking to the red carpet in this exhibitionist manner?  Is front cleaveage boring now?  Perhaps it is no longer considered a la mode.

What next, dresses cut low enough to reveal bottom cracks?

Although Victoria's Secret model Karolina Kurkova did almost that in her androgynous inspired outfit worn to the esteemed Costume Institute Gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in May.

Although the Queen of side cleavage is most certainly Gwyneth Paltrow. Who can forget that ice-blue Prada mini-dress? But even a savvy style icon such as Mrs Coldplay cannot escape the ‘trying too hard’ umbrella.

The audacious and overtly sexy side cleavage may well be the latest trend, but so are pyjamas as outerwear. Enough said.

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