I Have A Friend Who Is In A Very Abusive Relationship

She tells me over and over again about how her partner keeps her 'under control'

By Sinita
Dear Sinita
November 3, 2011, 7:27 pm

Question:

I have a friend who is in a very abusive relationship.

She tells me over and over again about how her partner keeps her 'under control'. I want to help her but I don't know what to do. He is not physically violent but verbally abusive towards her all the time.

Once he did it whilst I was at her house when one of the children had a scrape on their knee and he wanted to know what had happened. I felt really embarrassed and as soon as he left she broke down in tears.

She says she can't leave him because of the two children and she still loves him.

But then she is always saying how horrible he is towards her and loses his temper over minor things. Another time she told me he shouted at her in a supermarket when she wanted to buy something. How can I help her?

S


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Answer:


Dear S,

Domestic abuse takes many forms and one of those is verbal aggression towards a partner which is meant to intimidate and humiliate and is a form of control and totally unacceptable.

People tend to focus on the negative impact of physical aggression but other forms of domestic abuse can be as frightening and have as devastating an effect. 

It is very difficult for people to leave an abusive relationship and it may take an abused partner a long time before they finally manage to summon up the courage to leave their abusive partner.

Many people stay in these relationships for the sakes of their children and in the vain hope that their partners will change but what they are unable to see is that this very rarely happens and the emotional impact affects the children as well as the adult. 

Your friend recognises that this should not be happening and clearly trusts you with this information which is why she is confiding in you and although you cannot force you friend to take action you can be there to support her by listening and being there when she is ready to make her move.

You can give you friend some information on domestic abuse; there are a number of websites which will give her advice and many support lines where she will be able to speak with someone who can offer her advice and support when she is ready to make her move.

Following are the details of a few organisations that will be able to offer your friend advice and support:-

www.womensaid.org.uk,

 

www.refuge.org.uk,

 

www.domesticviolence.co.uk,


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