Don't call me baby
By Umbreen Ali
June 19, 2013, 4:15 pm

Why do people, or more specifically men, who have met you more than once think it's reasonable to refer to you as 'Hun' or 'Babes?'

As if the over familiar LOL epidemic wasn't bad enough.

OK, it might not be as grievous an infraction as, I don't know, tax avoidance, but I'd say it's up there with social anarchy quelled only by an ASBO.

But calling a woman you barely know a pet name is somehow worse when uttered by an Asian man.

With an unacceptably dishevelled beard. How did it become acceptable to call someone apart from your loved one a term of endearment?

In the olden days, circa 1980's, this behaviour was largely reserved for the dirty uncle's in the meat shop (the word butcher still does not exist in colloquial Asian/Anglo fused dialect).

They would leer at you and mutter 'Hey baby' under their bad 'taches.

No doubt imagining such words would transform them into sexy, desirable creatures. The desi Mr Luvva Luvva who is bestowed with a natural gift to please women.

The worst thing about this mirthless concoction of basic nouns is that text dialogue took over and it all became legitimate and appropriate. And now with the ubiquity of social media, men can refer to women as 'Honey' or 'Sweetie' without a mere flutter.

Even x’s at the bottom of an email have been upgraded to a ‘real kiss’ courtesy of a Burberry and Google menage. Men, take heed: you can now kiss your iPad and the image of your lips will be sent to the recipient. Oh the horror.

This trend has spread like rabid fungi. Men consider it to be 'friendly' or just a form of communication.

In reality it's more like the Hugh Hefner approach to writing an email. It’s the attention seeking scheme of the man who fears adulthood whilst in the throes of the mid- life crisis.

It's a bafflingly crass obsession. Like Bollywood's compulsive preoccupation with 'tung cholees' and the pensive reflection of what actually lies under the 'pulloo.'

No self-respecting song writer would pen a song asking 'Putloon ke neeche kya hai?'

When a man over 30 refers to a woman in slang, it's loaded with innuendo.

He's trying to be more manly than he actually is. It's the conversational equivalent of belching in public.

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