Topless feminists
By Umbreen Ali
June 7, 2013, 3:22 pm

What is it about the new brand of feminists?

They protest with full force and vigour, animatedly with wholehearted conviction in their beliefs. But why do they have to do it topless?

 These very same feminists protested against the show ‘Germany’s Next Top Model’ on account of the show condoning a profession of women based solely on her appearance. Models chosen on account of their appearance?

Shocking. And we were under the illusion that one had to graduate from an elite academic institution to learn to pout and wear skyscraper heels without falling down.

If you’re going to protest models whose occupation is determined by their looks, why not go the long haul and protest the push up bra, the cleavage, the leather dress, the thong, the sugar daddy. And especially beach volleyball.

Femen protesters have recently bared their angry, threatening breasts at Putin and Berlusconi, both men who deem themselves to be the Zeus of their respective lands. Ladies, know your audience.

They promote ‘a sextremism serving to protect women’s right.’ If ever there was a paradox. Then there are Pussy Riot and Slutwalk. All pushing the same agenda. All with names that instantly disparage the intellectual reach of their organisation.

And why is it that only the protesters with perky breasts and flat stomachs are the ones that are captured on camera?

It’s a well known fact that most women fear nudity.

One friend is so terrified of nudity that she took a picture of her problem area on her phone and showed that to the doctor rather than face the humiliation of stripping.

If Femen et al are going to be proper feminists, true to women globally, then protest with rough, hairy legs and hazardous bikini lines on display, flabby stomachs and cellulite, stretch marks in all their white lined, glistening glory.

Whilst various powers are lobbying against Page 3 girls, really, who needs them?

Just give a Femen advocate something to strop about and she’ll get her kit off right there for you. Wind her up that little bit more, and she may even scream.

Finally, a quick parting glance into history and a woman fighting for her rights with toxic girl power.

Russia’s Catherine the Great, intelligent, ambitious, politically savvy overthrew her husband in a coup and he was later assassinated by her supporters. Just saying.